soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
