I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
