I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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