dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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