its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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