you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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