tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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