Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
