hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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