you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
