Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
