yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
