I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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