i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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