can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
