I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
