If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
