remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
