go do what you do best...puke behind churches
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
