my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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