He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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