Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
