That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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