I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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