We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
