Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
