wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
