You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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