You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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