his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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