I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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