I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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