is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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