Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
