it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When did angry sex become our thing?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize