Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i have two assholes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
