we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As shirtless as possible
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
