The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
