ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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