I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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