Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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