remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
