She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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