I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Who died my cat blue again?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
