Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
