handjob tips. give me some.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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