Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
