jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize