I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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