My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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