I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize