I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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