its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
