Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
