just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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