I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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