I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
