I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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