It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
