You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
