She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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