What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
