I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
