I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
