You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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