I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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