who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
