I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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