She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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