You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
