Having a random hookup so left but love u
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
