I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
