My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
