Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
