i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
