she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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