Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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