Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
