I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
