Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize