Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
