4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
