i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is it because I queefed?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
