The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
