Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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