explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
