For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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