dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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