Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
