So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
