wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
