Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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