It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
