Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
