Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
