Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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