Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize