do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize