"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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