i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
