her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
