tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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