I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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