TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
