So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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