I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
