I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
