I wannas sexs uuuuu
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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