Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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