gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
